As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
