ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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