So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
