I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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