he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
