We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
