When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
