Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
