Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
how does that bad decision feel?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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