YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Don't make out with my wife yet
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Randomize
