i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Of course I have a pirate flag
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize