So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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