Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
