I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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