Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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