I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
