my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
