This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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