im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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