Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
