you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
