I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize