her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
