I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
