He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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