Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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