Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
