You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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