we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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