You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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