I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize