Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
