Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
