He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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