Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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