my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
