Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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