Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
