I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
