Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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