if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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