I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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