I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
