you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
