he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
