Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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