i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
