I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
