Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
