she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
When are your genitals available?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
