I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
