I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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