my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
