don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
