Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
