3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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