I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
