Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
