I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
