I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
