This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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