I hate your face
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
