Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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