over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
