the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
