he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need moral support for this bender
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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