maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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