Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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