And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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