all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Success! We fucked roommates!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
