My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
