Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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